Unto the Breach

Lab work is fairly unique in that it's one of the few professions that still operate through what is essentially an apprentice system. Sure, you can find instructions on how to perform certain experiments in papers or online, but to really nail down all the various eccentricities endemic to each procedure, you have to learn by doing, and the best way to do that is with someone who already knows how to successfully accomplish said procedure.

Case in point: I've recently been learning a technique called Chromatin Immunoprecipitation, or ChIP for short. This experiment involves sonicating, or fragmenting, DNA into a bunch of tiny pieces in order to find out whether or not certain proteins are attached to the DNA. These proteins can influence what genes are turned on or off, so naturally they'd be pretty interesting to a cancer geneticist such as myself.

Anyway, another graduate student with whom I've been working closely since I joined the lab has been showing me the ropes, but we've only been through the sonication step, and she's only showed me how to do that once. Then, recently, with sonication on the agenda, she left early to prepare for a trip out of town, leaving me with newly harvested samples just itching to degrade into unusable nucleotides if not acted upon quickly enough. Of course, she provided me with step-by-step instructions, but as we all know, most experiences can't be boiled down to flow charts, and lab work is no exception. I felt a little bit like a 15-year-old who just got his temporary permit and who has some experience driving around the local church parking lot but then suddenly is burdened with the task of driving his mom to the hospital. Nevertheless, onward I plunged, wide-eyed, gripping my pipette with white knuckles. I think I made it through without getting too bruised, but we'll find out for sure soon enough...when she teaches me how to perform the next step.

Oops, It Happened Again

I've had some great science teachers over the years, which is no doubt part of the reason why I eventually decided to pursue science as a career. But something Mr. Allan taught us in 9th grade stuck with me. He was one of those teachers who peppered his lectures with anecdotes, which usually meant he told the same few over and over again, and one of those popped into my head over the weekend. He liked to talk about Marilyn Monroe, about how beautiful she was and how much fame and wealth she had amassed despite her age. However, he emphasized that from a purely biological perspective, she was a complete failure because she never managed to bear children; she never passed on her genetic material. Biologically, the only purpose in life is to reproduce.

Studying biology all these years, I haven't encountered any concept truer than this. Every biological function has been thoroughly groomed through natural selection toward the achievement of one goal: survive long enough to reproduce. We see this over and over in nature: The salmon and turtles who travel thousands of miles just to deposit their eggs, the 17-year-cicadas who emerge just long enough to ravage our landscaping, get it on, and then drop dead.

We humans have tried to find greater meaning our lives than mere reproduction, but even now in the 21st century the only things we leave behind that survive for any significant length of time are our genes. The realization of this fact should then fill you with trepidation given the developments over this past weekend: the arrival of another Spears baby.

Yes, on Friday, Jamie Lynn Spears welcomed into the world another plastic bottle in the gene pool of humanity and named her Maddie. Cute name, but I worry about just how successful this family is becoming, biologically speaking. Already we have Maddie's two cousins, and while I'm sure they're fine children, I can't help but worry what future contributions to society may arise from the spawn of those who have already brought us Zoey 101, Crossroads, and Britney & Kevin: Chaotic.

In many ways, Britney is a modern day Marilyn. The fame, the fortune, the blonde hair. But through her children she accomplished something Marilyn never did. The irony is that, since then, Britney has been steadily losing all that she and Marilyn had in common. The head shaving, the crotch shots, the occasional trips to rehab. Why? Maybe Britney folded under the stress of adolescent fame. Maybe her actions are of her own free will. Or maybe she's genetically predisposed to making dumb decisions. Let's just hope that there won't be any repeat performances.

I Wear the Same Shoes as a Middle-Aged Chinese Woman

I consider myself a moderately fashionable person. I try to look nice for work. But in the lab, it's hard, given the risk of spilling noxious chemicals on oneself and the occasional trips to the mouse room. Mouse dander can be a bit unbecoming of a gentleman. So there are some elements of the wardrobe whose style is sacrificed for the sake of functionality. Case in point: my sneakers I wear to lab everyday. Reebok Classic Nylons. Tan/white color. Most comfortable shoes I've ever worn.

Comfort is a major consideration because biologists are on their feet for a sizable chunk of each day, what with running down the hall to the tissue culture room, over to the next building to talk with your collaborator, or down to the vending machine to score some sweet, sweet pop-tarts for your late afternoon fix. Good traction also comes in handy for those times when the freezer breaks and melts all over the floor in the hallway and you're scrambling to transfer its contents early on a Saturday morning when no one else is around. Both elements the Reebok Classic Nylon has in spades.

Imagine my surprise, then, when I was riding up in the elevator one morning and looked down to discover that a middle aged, slightly disagreeable Chinese woman shared my sensible taste in footwear. Not that Chinese women aren't fashionable. A Chinese girl in my lab is quite the trendsetter actually. It's just that, as a 24-year-old male, I find myself falling into a social class whose characteristic sartorial spectrum usually doesn't overlap with women who grew up four or five decades ago in a different hemisphere. I'll admit that the white/tan combination isn't the most common in footwear haute couture, but that was all they had at the Reebok Outlet in Jeffersonville, Ohio, and my coupon was about to expire. I had a blue and white pair before these. Those were way cooler. They're really comfortable. Shut up.